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Satirical Look at the 2009 Yankees

Here is a look into the crystal ball for those Damn Yankees

April 9th: After loosing the first 2 games of the season to the Orioles, H. Steinbrenner fires manager Joe Girardi stating, " We've never been this far behind in the standings so early in the season." Girardi is replaced by Longtime Yankee Don Mattingly

May 27th: Fresh off the heels of 3 straight losses to the Red Sox, Steinbrenner fires Mattingly and replaces him with Don Zimmer exclaiming, "Don has waited a long time for this opportunity."

June 12th: Alex Rodriquez, bombarded by the daily requests for interviews to discuss his steroid use, quits baseball to organize a New York Chapter of Madonna Annonymous stating, "There must be hundreds of victims of Post Traumatic Madonna Stress Syndrome in this community."

June 14th: Manager Don Zimmer is suspended for seven days by Major League Baseball following an incident where the manager charges the stands when a 10 year old fan wearing a Pedro Martinez jersey heckles him incessantly. In the incident, the 10 year old quickly throws Zimmer to the ground. Zimmer is temporarily replaced longtime New York Yankee fan Billy Crystal.

June 17th: Jorge Posada suffers partial shoulder tears in both arms following a post game celebration in which the oft injured catcher attempts to put his arms around the portly CC Sabathia following the lefty's 3-2 victory over crosstown rival NY Mets

July 1st: Derek Jeter is hospitalized following a nervous breakdown. Doctors diagnose the shortstop with Alex Seperation Syndrome

August 7th: In a pre game interview new Yankee manager Rudy Giuliani announces his plan to start his best pitcher CC Sabathia for all four games against their heated rival Boston Red Sox siting, Hey he is our best pitcher, we need some kind of edge.

August 11th: After being outscored 63-2 by the Red Sox, manager Giuliani reveals that he will rest CC for a couple of days so he can be ready to pitch all four games against Seattle on the road.

September 1st: Already 23 games behind division leading Boston, H. Stienbrenner replaces Giuliani with Yankee great Reggie Jackson. stating, "Hey we got a chance, after all he is Mr. October."

September 15th : Thirteen members of the Yankees are suspended for testing positive for high levels of testostrone, the remaining members of the team tested positive for high levels of Estrogen but Yankee officials provided documentation to Major League Baseball that those players in question always were a bunch of girls anyway.

October 3rd; Following a disapointing season where the Yankee fans booed the team off the field in the final home game finishing dead last 32 games behind division champion Boston, Johnny Damon conducted a post game interview to talk about his plans going into free agency Damon stated, " Yeah we did not play up to our capability this year but listen at least we didnt committ murder or anything."



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